Dobbing is pure self-interest. Telling tales to get someone else smacked or removed from a vehicle while you smirk from the sidelines.
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All of this is excellent news for Albanese that could lead to an unlikely superhero redemption opportunity after years of being lacklustre and a bruising week when two security deals went wobbly.
Pat Cummins aside, Albo is the captain of Australia. So he has no choice but to live and model our values. He literally cannot fold and throw Lyons under the bus to keep Trump happy.
How unreal for everyone playing along at home, waiting to see if the PM claws back public love by having the guts to stare down the most powerful whinger on Earth and say, “That’s not how we roll, champ”.
Standing up for cobbers is what we do. And John Lyons isn’t just any cobber – not some “fake news loser” as Trump called it. He’s a journalist from the ABC. The ABC that’s yours, mine, Albo’s.
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The best cautionary tale about what happens when pollies go down the dobbing route? Look no further than Tony Abbott. In 2015, the then-PM announced a $1 million “dob in a dealer” hotline to fight the ice epidemic.
I mean, I would have thought there was already a hotline called triple zero where anyone could just call the cops, but whatever. The hotline had some success, although 2021’s final report into the National Ice Action Strategy was “unable to evaluate” its “evaluability”.
The kicker? Karma proved dobbers never win. In 2021, Tone was reported and fined for not wearing a face mask in Manly during the pandemic. “I never thought dobbing and snitching was part of the Australian character,” he said. Could not be better comedy.
Anyway, the whole Trump dobbing thing is hilarious and terrifying in equal measure. Could the AUKUS submarine deal really be sunk over social etiquette? Stranger things have happened.
Bottom line: Donald, snitches get stitches. If Albo looks you in the eye and says that, he’ll be a legend.
And hey Felix, next lifetime you can take your chances in the truck. I’ll hop in with you.
Kate Halfpenny is founder of Bad Mother Media. Her new book, Boogie Wonderland, is out now.
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