There’s always one in every workplace: the person you gravitate towards and forge a close bond with. It might be a loose friendship that evolves until one day you realise that the intimate, platonic relationship you have is an important aspect of why you come to work every day.
Depending on their gender, the colloquial term for this is a “work wife” or “work husband”, a clumsy attempt to summarise a supportive relationship that crudely resembles a marriage. The reason for the spousal tag is that it often includes emotional support, honesty and loyalty.
A “work wife” or “work husband” can be someone who makes the daily monotony of your nine-to-five that much more bearable.
But before we get any further, we do need to address the gendered elephant in the room. When used the wrong way, terms like “work wife” can reinforce inherent sexism where the marriage metaphor can imply traditional gender roles and expectations. But in most cases, it’s used with the lighter interpretation that’s intended, where a spouse is an equal member of a partnership.
There are pros and cons of having these types of extremely close relationships in the office. On the positive, having someone by your side to help you navigate the emotional roller coaster of work can be very handy.
Most people don’t understand exactly what it’s like in the office trenches every day, but with one knowing look across cubicles, your work spouse sure does.
On the flipside, it’s only too easy for boundaries to blur, and it’s a fertile ground for conflicts to fester and grow. When you’re that close to someone you work with, misunderstanding and emotions can easily arise.
Finding someone you connect with on a deeper level and intentionally improving it can genuinely improve the way you think about work.
While the concept of a “work spouse” might seem flippant, there’s real research that shows the power of forging closer relationships at work. One fascinating study by two Australian researchers showed it’s actually one of the best shortcuts to creating better teams.
In 2019, Julien Pollack and Petr Matous from the University of Sydney conducted an experiment using “targeted self-disclosure exercises”. They artificially cultivated this by pairing up people and had them answer a list of increasingly personal questions together.
