Q: I had an argument with a woman at the park who said my beautiful baby looked like a corgi. Did I overreact? C.M., Newport, NSW
A: All parents think their babies are beautiful. It’s hardwired into us, just in case our baby is actually hideous and we’re tempted to throw the kid out in the hard rubbish, along with a broken office chair and a rusty barbecue held together with nothing but chipolata fat. So I don’t mean to start another argument with you, but maybe your baby does look a bit corgi-ish and you just can’t see it.
It’s not such a terrible comparison: corgis have cute, baby-like bodies and stumpy, baby-like limbs and adorable, baby-like, fangy, furry fox faces. In fact, a corgi-like baby could be a real financial windfall: you could enter them in lucrative, national dog shows, sign them up for pet food commercials, tour the world extensively with a travelling freak show called “Georgie Porgie, the human corgi”.
So should you have argued with this woman in the park? It really depends on how she delivered her corgi-comment. If it was said in a gushy, affectionate way, then it was a compliment and you should’ve played along: “Which breed of corgi? Cardigan or Pembroke? Hope it’s Cardigan, bushier tail, ha ha!” But if it was said in a cruel, sneering way and there were dry heaves of revulsion, then sure, maybe you could have questioned her comment or set your corgi-baby on her with the commands, “Get! Attack! Bite!”
Either way, this woman is clearly not familiar with the first and only rule of commenting on strangers’ babies. You smile, go “Awwwww” and say “Cuuuuuute!” then be on your way, whether the baby is a perfect, puffy-cheeked Cupid or looks like a sea sponge in a onesie.
Read more from Modern Guru:
‘Geez, you scrub up well’: compliment or insult?
How do I tell my mother she has terrible table manners?
Help! My new partner doesn’t wash his hands after going to the toilet
To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times.
Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy, Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.