The link between the late, great Shane Warne and Sam Kerr, beyond their sporting superstardom? I thought you’d never ask.
In my view, it has a lot to do with their other-worldly spatial awareness and their staggering sense of timing, both at a level not available to mere mortals.
As I have previously recounted, a couple of decades ago I found myself in a tiny and ancient theatre in Germany, just before we filmed a special edition of The Footy Show as the curtain-raiser for Australia’s clash with Italy in the World Cup’s Round of 16.
Shane Warne, another panelist on the show, had just arrived. In my previous encounter with the spinner – at David Hooke’s funeral – things had been a tad tense. With a completely humorless smile, Warne informed me had taken such a dim view of many of my columns about him, that he took care to read every single one, and he made it clear that one day he would be pleased to settle accounts.
Talk about awkward, at least from my end – as we now must pass each other in the tight corridor just before the small doorway. Still, without hesitation, Warne grips my sheepishly proffered hand as we both keep walking.
“Shane …” I mutter.
“Peter …” he says happily.
But hang on, what now?
Warne hasn’t let go! It means my torso must twist momentarily, back towards him and the tiny dressing room. At the last instant he does release, meaning I straighten up … just in time to hit my head, hard, on the low door jamb!
I turn back to see him grinning.
Genius.
The timing! The spatial awareness! The capacity to assess the whole thing, sum up the action required, and take instantaneous action! I was stunned. This bloke was playing 4D chess, while the rest of us were playing checkers – and it was obviously the skill that allowed him to so dominate cricket.
Sam Kerr? Same thing. She is playing 4D chess, as witness that goal in the 2023 World Cup against England. You remember? Of course you do. The Tillies are one of the best four teams in the world, and over seven million Australians – a record for tv viewership in this country – are watching them.
She’s in open space, at pace, and surging. She shimmies and shakes, and draws back her right foot with the same intent as Wyatt Earp – with a toothache and on a bad day – draws back the hammer of his pistol.
At exactly the right instant, just as the goalie moves left, she drops the hammer and fires! The ball soars to the right, before curling in towards the right-hand corner.
Goal, goal, GOOOOOOAL!
Friends? For the first time in my life, even I got what the soccer nutters have been about all these years. The skill, the timing, the spatial awareness was simply breathtaking.
But it was still not as breathtaking as what Kerr did last Tuesday evening in Perth, playing against China in the Women’s Asian Cup semis.
The scores are locked at 1-1 in the 58th minute. Our own Kaitlyn Torpey deftly passes to Kerr, who gives China the ol’ one-two via a return-pass exchange with Caitlin Foord.
Foord’s last pass sees Kerr flying down the left flank, even as the Chinese goalkeeper rushes out to try and smother the ball. Kerr flicks it past her to the left, and runs to regather just two metres from the by-line. Though the goal itself is wide-open, two Chinese defenders are roaring back, as is the goalie.
Kerr has only a 10-degree angle to work with, if that, and no more than half-a-second before the gap will close.
Did someone say Wyatt Earp?
They did not. This is not a moment for a gun-slinger. This requires a tiny tap, albeit one of deadly accuracy. With staggering insouciance, completely aware of where the three defenders are, she gives the ball just the smallest of nudges as it dribbles towards the goal – literally a tenth of a second before the defenders can stop it. An instant earlier or later, no chance. But she has got it just right.
Goal. Gooooal! GOOOOOOAL, I’ll tell a man it is!
Shane Warne couldn’t have timed it better.
Matildas mania reaching fever pitch
And, on that subject, something truly odd is going on.
There are two women in my family who shall remain nameless – let’s just call them “Auntie Deb” and “Auntie Trish” – who are long-time devotees of Fran Leibowitz’s line: “Generally speaking, I look upon [sports] as dangerous and tiring activities performed by people with whom I share nothing except the right to trial by jury.”
Seriously, Australia could win the Ashes on the final ball of the final Test, and neither would blink. Tiger Woods could be spotted chatting to Wally Lewis on their back decks, over a cup of tea, and they’d call the police, reporting a home invasion from “two strangers.”
On Wednesday morning, however, both texted me, independently: “SAM KERR IS MAGNIFICENT.” And, “Great goal by Sam Kerr to get the Tillies into the final!”
Sorry, what?
I kid you not, if the Matildas bandwagon has got them on board, let no child be left behind! Matilda fever will be back, building once more to the next World Cup, and it is a great thing.
A rule there to be broken
Friends? Talk about Only in Australia!
You have to picture the scene. In the lead-up to last Friday evening’s NRL match between the Roosters and Souths, the papers were filled with earnest admonitions from various odds and sods – some odder than others, and including Souths coach Wayne Bennett – sternly warning against anyone running onto the field if Alex Johnston were to break Ken Irvine’s try-scoring record.
It would not be safe! It would not be right! It would be against the RULES!
During the game itself, the signs constantly flashed up at the stadium: “DO NOT ENTER THE FIELD OF PLAY! You will be arrested, fined, and banned for 24 months.”
But now look! A minute into the second half, Latrell Mitchell has the ball on the left flank, draws the defender, and releases Johnston, who goes over in the corner.
Remember, we are serious. RULES!
“DO NOT ENTER THE FIELD OF PLAY!”
Yeah, nah. The first person to jump over, wonderfully, is a young bloke in a Roosters jersey. Stern-faced security grabs him. We told you! Wayne told you! The signs told you: you will be arrested, fined and banned for 24 months, and that’s just for WARM-UPS, see?
But now a few more fans jump over. And a few more again. And now hundreds and now thousands! And now, who …?
The prime minister! Why wouldn’t he? He’s an Australian and a lifelong Rabbitohs devotee, and this is both a great Rabbitohs moment and a great Australian moment. And such an occurrence is inconceivable in just about any other country in the world, bar ours.
In most countries, the leader of the government would consider himself too unsafe among the mob, or too important to brush bums with the sans-culottes, or too august – and September besides – to show excitement at a mere sporting moment. Not us, though. The PM was thrilled. He wanted to be part of it. He knew he’d be safe. And he didn’t care any more than anyone else that such an act was strictly forbidden.
Yeah, nah, get nicked – he’s doing it, too. He’s an Australian, first. And send the fine to the Lodge, if you must.
In the words of an excited Ray Martin to me the following morning, “The spirit of Eureka lives.”
Gotta love this city.
What they said
It’s only March, but I need to make it official. Alex Johnston’s effort, after it was announced that Souths were raising a statue to him, is TFF’s Quote of the Year: “Along the way a few fans have shit on me. There have been a few coaches who have shit on me, the media has shit on me – now the pigeons can shit on me.”
Wayne Bennett was cranky after Souths’ defeat, and the fans on the field didn’t help: “We’re out there trying to win a game of football. We’re all out there trying our hearts out and all of a sudden it stops and takes all the momentum.”
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese on the prospect of being fined for running onto the field: “It was worth it to be part of history.”
Arsenal manager Mikel Arteta on Max Dowman becoming the Premier League’s youngest ever goalscorer: “I think he created a different energy in the stadium. It’s not only the goal that he scored. I think he changed the game. Every time he got the ball, he made things happen. It looked like we were more of a threat. To do that at that age, in this context, with this pressure, it is just not normal.”
Italy baseball captain Vinnie Pasquantino on his side’s run to the World Baseball Classic semi-finals: “And for the kids in Italy, just know that we’re doing this for you guys. We want in 20 years for the World Baseball Classic Italian team to be full of Italians, like Italian speakers from Italy. That’s the goal of this.”
Cricketer Cameron Green being very precious after the Herald’s Tom Decent simply asked if was good to be back among the runs, after a fallow period: “Why are you out to get me? I’m not answering that question. Next question.” Geez, Cameron, it was not like he asked “Did you order the Code Red!?!”
Essendon’s Ben McKay, asked if the Bombers are still a big club: “We understand that when we’re winning games, winning finals, there’s going to be even more noise around us in a good way. So, in terms of that, that’s something we’re striving for … but, I think, clearly we’re a big-four club. I think that’s a bit ignorant, yeah.” Yeah, nah, yeah. When you haven’t won a final in over 8000 days, you are no longer a big club.
Venezuela manager Omar López before the World Baseball Classic final against the USA: “Tonight everyone is going to be together. The whole country is going to be paralysed to watch the game, and together we are going to have better generations for our country, united with no colour, political colours or ideology.” Venezuala won!
Team of the Week
Matildas. Face Japan in Saturday night’s Asian Cup final, in Sydney. Go you good things!
Alex Johnston. The South Sydney winger has scored more tries in Australia’s foremost rugby league comp than any other booger, ever! Congrats to him.
Gold Coast Suns. Sitting pretty with two wins from two. Could this be their season? Yeah, nah. The best teams on the Gold Coast can do at the end of a season is be third bridesmaid to the left.
Broncos/Titans/Cowboys. Meanwhile, in the NRL, these three Queensland teams were all winless going into this weekend’s round.
Kimi Antonelli. Second-youngest race winner in history, with a victory at Chinese Grand Prix. I can’t follow it, but I think it’s something to do with Formula One being 50 per cent electric these days, and the more experienced drivers are struggling to adapt.
Hannah Green. First Australian golfer to win the Women’s Australian Open since Karrie Webb in 2014.
Max Dowman. At 16 years and 73 days, the Arsenal forward became the youngest ever scorer in the English Premier League.
