The Liberal Party has finally unlocked the secret that has puzzled scientists for centuries: the precise method by which the dinosaurs became extinct.
The lantern-jawed West Australian MP Andrew Hastie’s threat to quit the party if it doesn’t abandon the 2050 “net zero” carbon emissions target, followed by approving noises from various colleagues, confirms the Liberal researchers’ work on the final days of the Cretaceous period is all but complete.
The 2025 election was to the federal Liberal Party what the asteroid was to the dinosaurs.Credit: Aresna Villanueva
That Hastie chose the very day that Australia’s first National Climate Risk Assessment was released, which predicts something approximating the end of life as we know it if we don’t pull the emergency brake on climate change, is surely the sealant.
The Liberals, to be fair, were granted a head start on the subject of annihilation, having studied close up the final days of the Morrison and Dutton periods, otherwise known as the Jurassic.
There was also the apparent end time of the Tony Abbott era when he gave a knighthood to the late Queen’s late husband, though Abbott is not quite done yet.
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And, of course, there has long been invaluable input from luminaries of the Victorian branch, who have been working assiduously on extinction for decades now (Western Australia, South Australia and even NSW branches seem to have taken roles as assistants to the research in recent years).
But following the May federal election – an approximation of a giant meteorite exploding on Liberal Party headquarters and what used to be outlying strongholds – the work of surviving federal MPs has been awe-inspiring.
With any last hope of a Liberal Lazarus act resting on the party’s chances of winning back seats captured by the so-called teals, the decision to lure Jacinta Nampijinpa Price from the National Party, where the study of fossils has been high art since Joh Bjelke-Petersen was a boy, proved inspired.
