It was just prior to 10.50pm on Monday night that Matt Rowell’s acceptance speech came to a close at Crown’s Palladium.
As he looked down at his crumpled notes and discovered he had no one else to thank, he looked up at the crowd, smiled awkwardly, and said his final thank you.
Matt Rowell and Seven host Hamish McLachlan.Credit: AFL Photos
For many footy fans, either present in the room or watching on TV, the night had begun three hours earlier. Arriving at my 11th Brownlow Medal count, I strategically dodged the red (now blue?) carpet, but still got a sense of the fashion of the night.
While I don’t write professionally about fashion (yet), the vast majority of the boys and girls looked simply sublime.
Quick question: are corsets back in fashion? At one point during the night I was quite sure that someone was going to yell “parlay” and then either Geoffrey Rush or Johnny Depp would pop up out of nowhere, Pirates of the Caribbean style.
Anyway, I arrived at my table (110) and sat down to a grim realisation: I was seated at the back right table, next to the toilets, with my seat facing away from the stage.
Nine’s chief footy reporter Tom Morris quickly quipped, “You’re literally in the worst seat in the room.”
I mean, I was facing him, so he wasn’t wrong.
But things could have been worse – I could have been Matthew Nicks.
Someone on seating plan duties clearly stuffed up because the Adelaide coach and his wife had been, er, forgotten about.
The two had to stand rather awkwardly in the corner until the AFL found them a seat. I mean, I know the Crows disappeared in September, but this was a little too much.
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Some actual awards (finally) came and went. Gold Coast captain Noah Anderson won goal of the year for a goal that shouldn’t have won goal of the match, and Western Bulldogs freak show Sam Darcy won mark of the year for taking 60 per cent of a mark. But who’s counting.
9.16pm: One of Crown Palladium’s hosts announces to the room that we are at “the halfway mark.” It’s both exciting and upsetting all at once. Minutes later, a Geelong star admits his wife had already had enough and absconded to the room to watch Netflix. We promised not to identify the guilty party. We applaud your courage, Mardi.
9.37pm: We come back from an ad break to a pre-recorded segment from The Front Bar. It’s a great show, and usually I would need a comedic break from Sam Pang and Mick Molloy. But, guys, it’s after 9.30 and we still haven’t started round 14 yet.
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The real comedy of the night came during the vote readings for round 20 when St Kilda superstar Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera was given two votes for his performance against Melbourne.
You might happen to remember the game – the one in which he dominated the last quarter, kicked the last two goals and won the Saints the game. In total he had 34 disposals and kicked four goals. But apparently that wasn’t enough to get the three votes. Nope, Melbourne midfielder Jack Viney, who from memory was one of the Demons at fault during the last quarter because he failed to man-up at the last centre bounce, he was deemed best on ground (he had 23 disposals, had 16 tackles and kicked one).
Cue giggling from table 110.
10.20pm: Host Hamish McLachlan from Seven announced to the room that Rowell was the winner because he was too far in front to lose. His victory speech started at 10.27. At 10.43 McLachlan said to Rowell, “There’s a lot of 10 and 11-year-olds watching, Matt … “
Were there?! It was nearly 11pm on a school night. I was barely still awake.
Matt Rowell celebrates with his mum, Louise, later in the night.Credit: AFL Photos
There was something that did keep me up, however, like a shot of coffee as I was Uber-ing home.
Remember how we lambasted the All-Australian selectors for starting Nick Daicos on the bench earlier this year? We pointed out, at the time, that Daicos was the best player in the competition and would probably win the Brownlow. We were wrong – he finished second. The bloke who beat him? He also started on the bench. Giggling. Again. And no, I did not go to the after-party. I’m 34, not 24.
