I’ve gone through a difficult period in my private life. I have spent a lot of time wondering whether this is something I should tell people at work – my direct managers, but also others I work with regularly.
On the one hand, I think my work, or at least my moods and demeanour, has been affected and will continue to be. I want people to understand that there is a reason for that; I don’t want this to be a secret I keep from people I respect. On the other hand, I hate the idea of being felt sorry for or being tiptoed around. I don’t want this to become an excuse or a reason to be treated differently.
I know it’s difficult to say without knowing what experience I’m talking about, but nonetheless I would like some advice on whether to stay quiet or tell the truth.
Sharing personal news with your colleagues can feel like a big step, but it’s almost always the right thing to do.Credit: John Shakespeare
I’m really sorry to hear about your recent struggles and I understand your unwillingness to go into details. Yes, it can be a little bit tricky to provide guidance without knowing the ins and outs of a situation, but when I spoke to Dr Andrew Dhaenens, of the School of Management and Governance at the University of New South Wales, he was confident his advice would apply in numerous different circumstances.
“The feeling of not wanting to burden others with our troubles is a common one,” he said. “However, the right answer is that you should. This is especially the case for close peers and supervisors. Whether they care about you individually, or it’s simply impacting your performance or relationships at work, it’s important for them to know.
“We do this for all the same reasons that you might tell your friends or family that you are having some struggles at work; it is so that they can help, alongside the possibility that it could be affecting them too.”
‘I would be willing to bet you feel a massive weight being lifted once you share.’
Dr Andrew Dhaenens, School of Management and Governance, University of New South Wales
How much should you disclose? Dr Dhaenens said that this should depend on who you’re telling and the shape of your professional relationship with them. But he said that members of your team had the right to know that something was going on and could only help if they knew.
“‘I haven’t been feeling myself lately’, ‘I’ve been dealing with some problems at home’, ‘Something major happened to me, and I’m still recovering from it’. These are normal problems [for which] we might need some advice or a friendly voice,” he said. “People at work, such as our peers and supervisors, play a critical role in supporting us, especially when we meaningfully lack this type of support in other areas of our lives.
