Who is Max Jorgensen? We know already. He is the world-class winger out on the Waratahs’ far flank, with the singular ability to score tries when there is precisely no space. Give him a corridor only a metre or two wide, with two defenders in it, and the sideline just a couple of centimetres from his left ankle, and Max will find the way through.
It is wonderful to watch and devastating in effect – as witness his try in the 30th minute against the ’Canes when, with three defenders swarming, and no space, he goes over for a beauty! And yes, he also scored another fabulous intercept try, ’cos that is what he does. He scores tries.
The Waratahs take a minute after their heavy defeat to the Hurricanes.Credit: Getty Images
So what did we see for the rest of that abysmal match, last Friday night? Time and again – and again and AGAIN – we saw Jorgo out on the far left, waving his arms. “I’m here! Over here! Can someone get me the ball?”
I kid you not, when he was waving, his corridor was literally half the width of the field. He had from the left-hand goal-post to the touch-line, with either no defenders in it, or one terrified Hurricanes winger thinking, “Max Jorgensen has so much open space here they’ve given him his own freaking POSTCODE, and I am meant to stop him how, exactly?”
There would be only one way possible. Don’t give him the ball. And that is what the Waratahs did. Instead of giving one of the world’s most devastating wingers the pill, let’s just keep doing endless crash-balls into the ’Cane forwards, until one or other of us drops it. Brought to you by the same folks who, the week earlier against the Drua, had Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii touching the ball – my mate swears – three times. JAS is the highest-paid player in the country, with infinite skills, and you’ve got him working as a decoy runner?? SERIOUSLY?
So, ’Tahs, this is a coup-coup-ca-choo, Mrs Robinson, I am the new attacking coach. Don’t argue.
I have a type-writer, and I’m not afraid to use it! Anyone moves a muscle, and the NSWRU gets it!
“Ok, bring it in tight, youse blokes. From now, on we have three moves in the backline: ‘Max 1’, ‘Max 2’, and ‘Max 3’! When I make one of those calls, get the ball to Max, and he can work it out from there. In the meantime, when Max calls for the ball, get it to him. When he doesn’t call for the ball, get it to him anyway. In between times, get it to him. This is not hard. This is the plan. Remember what the eight-year-old farm boy outside of Christchurch said in his fax to the All Blacks on the eve of the 1995 World Cup Final: ‘Dear All Blacks, Remember, rugby is a team game. All 14 of youse, get the ball to Jonah!’ From now on, Max is your Jonah. Everyone got it? Good. Go hard. No mercy!”
I mean it. And FFS, that plan has to work out better than the last one.
Vegas weekend knocked me off the wagon
I promised I wouldn’t go on about it, and I lied. It is just too precious not to! All I can do is try to keep it tight – like an alcoholic telling himself that just a half-glass of wine can’t hurt. For when it came to proselytising Las Virtues of Las Vegas, no-one was stronger than Peter V’Landys.
“I think there is a great potential to get Australian sport into the American market,” the ARLC chairman said three years ago. “There is 340 million people in America. We could get hundreds of millions of dollars coming into Australia from people watching our sports…”
The stands were full at Allegiant Stadium, but US TV interest and betting windfall haven’t materialised.Credit: Getty Images
“I’m very confident that by year five,” he said last year, “we’ll have a major impact here in America. I’m more confident now than I was last year.”
And friends? The results are in! How are we going on getting a huge chunk of the 340 million people in America to watch league?
Well, according to US sports TV analyst Manny Soloway, citing figures not disputed by the NRL, this year “they had three games on Fox Sports 2 that averaged miserable viewership (12k, 6k, 2k).”
And which was the NRL game watched by just 2,000 Americans? That was the Dragons/Bulldogs match.
You can’t make this up!
(Well, when I put this to Mr V’landys, he more or less did accuse me of that, saying I was “extremely biased,” and my figures were “monsterly wrong.” But though I invited him to give me accurate figures from a credible source, there was no follow-up.
Nor did he acknowledge my point that last week, when I noted another truth: that Las Vegas does set up the NRL season with a good vibe.)
The Bulldogs celebrate victory over the Dragons in Las Vegas.Credit: Getty Images
To be fair, which is not like me, there are also claims – not by Mr V’landys – that there were viewers also on Fox Sports 1. But I can’t find either of them, despite sending out a search party. And the point remains. The number that watched was a squilionth of the number they hoped for.
But they also had the goal of blitzing the betting market, yes?
“If we can get 1 per cent over five years,” V’landys said when the venture started, “that’s 3.4 million people. You times that by $US169, that’s around $US577 million. Even if we were to get half of that, that’s more than $US250 million.”
And how are they going in that field? Stone, cold, motherless, nothing. No blip. No discernible impact on the betting market whatsoever and no revenue for the NRL at all.
“We have a different system in Australia where we charge for the use of our product, and the sports over here don’t,” he told the SMH ahead of the Vegas round. “I think the bookmakers are a bit frightened of us introducing a new model.”
Sorry, what? When you committed to Las Vegas, claiming $250 million as a likely minimum return for betting alone, you didn’t know that you’d get no cut of their betting market? And you think it a revelation that their bookmakers are frightened of giving you a cut of their filthy profits? Well, who’da thunk it!?!?
Never fear. V’landys has a new plan. They’ll take games to England and the Middle East, that well-known rugby league stronghold. You’ll see.
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“London would be the priority, then Abu Dhabi,” he said this week. “There are 700,000 Australians living in London at any one time, there’s the natural interest in Super League, and we want to promote our Watch NRL overseas app, and we believe we can get millions of dollars in new revenues.”
Of course you believe that. Or at least say you do. Because to acknowledge the bleedingly obvious truth – that your two stated key aims when you began this venture, to penetrate American TV and betting markets, have been abject and miserable failures – would be beyond embarrassing.
What They Said
Waratahs coach Dan McKellar on their 60-point drubbing at the hands of the Hurricanes: “A nice little reality check.” Geez, Louise. If that was a nice little reality check, just what would a “catastrophic pantsing” look like? [See opening rant.]
Oscar Piastri after he didn’t even get to start in the Melbourne thingummy, crashing in the warm-ups: “I’m just very sorry, obviously, for everyone that came out and wanted to support me.”
Oscar Piastri crashed out in the warm-up at the Australian Grand Prix last weekend.Credit: Fox Sports
Italian winger Louis Lynagh after his team beat England 23-18 in the Six Nations: “It started two years ago against Scotland. But the win against Scotland earlier in this Six Nations – grinding out a win in the rain – that was a key moment. It gave us the solid belief that if we apply ourselves, results like today will happen.“ Rah! Fratelli d’Italia, l’Italia s’è desta!
Matilda Caitlin Foord after the 3-3 draw with South Korea: “We have ourselves to blame. We had a lot of chances, myself included, and if we put those away early on it’s a different game. We let them through too easily and conceded too easily. So we only have ourselves to blame.”
US sports TV analyst Manny Soloway, on how many Americans watched the NRL’s matches in Las Vegas: “Last year, they had a game on Fox from Las Vegas that averaged 370,000 viewers. This year, they had three games on Fox Sports 2 that averaged miserable viewership (12K, 6K, 2K).” [See item.]
Kansas City Chiefs’ Travis Kelce, 36 years old but inspired by fiancée Taylor Swift, will come back for another season: “We share the same love for what we do, and fortunately we’ve had this desire since we were kids in our selective professions. It’s amazing to see her keep going to the table, keep finding new things to write about, keep finding new melodies and, on top of that, still seeing her have that love and joy in what she does.”
Spurs manager Igor Tudor on substituting goalkeeper Antonin Kinsky after letting in three goals in 17 minutes: “What happened is very rare. I’ve been coaching for 15 years, I’ve never done this. It was necessary to preserve the guy, preserve the team. Incredible situation, nothing to comment.”
Ukraine’s Maksym Murashkovskyi won silver in the men’s individual vision-impaired biathlon at the Winter Paralympics: “For the past six months, I have been training with ChatGPT. It was not only tactics. It was half of my training plan, motivation, etcetera. So it was a huge volume of all of my training. I used it as a psychologist, coach and, sometimes, as a doctor… I can give great credit to ChatGPT.”
Zac Lomax via a Rugby Australia statement: “Like any player, the dream of one day representing the Wallabies on a truly international stage, and potentially competing at a Rugby World Cup, is a powerful motivation.” Truly international stage? Those three words alone drove the leaguies mad!
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Mark Geyer, coming off the back fence from the Randwick end: “I hope it’s the last we see of him. That comment was as subtle as a sledgehammer. It’s not what you say but how you say it. If that wasn’t a two-fingered salute to rugby league, I don’t know what it is. Let him go and try and play in his World Cup.”
SMH letter-writer Glenn Holmes: “President Trump has besmirched the FIFA Peace Prize worse than anyone in history.”
Former Carlton skipper Sam Docherty, on his club’s opening performance against the Swans: “They’re just an absolute f—ing shitshow.” Yes, yes, yes, Mrs Lincoln. But apart from THAT, did you enjoy the theatre?
Kalyn Ponga, the former Kangaroo, as part of his successful application to switch allegiance from Australia to New Zealand: “These were appearances I am grateful for. However, upon reflection, they do not reflect where my heart, my heritage, and my deepest sense of belonging truly lie.”
Team of the Week
Brisbane Broncos. Had 40 points scored against them by the Eels, who last week had 52 points put on them by the Storm. Does that mean the Broncos might lose to the Storm by 92 points next Friday night?
Alyssa Healy. Finished her cricket career in style with a 10-wicket win over India in the Test match.
Emma Kemp, Amber Schultz and the SMH reporting team. Did wonderful journalistic work this week, telling the stories of the seven Iranian soccer players who sought asylum. As did Tracey Holmes over at the ABC.
Ben Tudhope. Won Australia’s first medal at the Winter Paralympics in Milano-Cortina.
Sydney Roosters. How on earth could a professional club, which has had a sad history of players having to retire due to head knocks, allow its squad to tear about a busy area such as Moore Park on e-bikes sans helmets!?!? It beggars belief. And Billy Smith, the one badly concussed after an accident, also has had a history of head knocks.
Italy. Beat England in the Six Nations.
Phoenix Gothard. Just played his first game for GWS and is the clubhouse leader for best name of a new athlete!
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