Fleur Marks
After two decades of working with high performers (and living this hardwired internal operating system myself), I’ve identified five core beliefs that keep overachievers trapped on the tightrope.
These aren’t random thoughts. They form the operating system most ambitious, driven people are running on, often without realising it. I call them the five Ps of overachieving.
These beliefs exist because your ambition is real. You genuinely want to create impact, serve others, build something meaningful. But the very drive that was supposed to fuel your success started consuming you instead.
The beliefs that got you here became the ones keeping you stuck. Until you see these beliefs clearly, you can’t rewrite them. Let’s go through them.
Perfectionism: It has to be flawless, or I’ll fail
This is the belief that pushes us to constantly be better. You hit send on emails with “sorry this isn’t better” even when it’s already brilliant. You’d rather miss a deadline than submit 97 per cent work because, in your mind, if it’s not perfect, it’s not ready.
You stay up late polishing your team’s presentation, not because it isn’t already strong, but because you “need” to add that extra shine. Your drafts folder is overflowing not with bad ideas, but with brilliant ones you’ve convinced yourself aren’t ready to see the light of day.
You rehearse presentations so many times you could recite them backwards, yet you still feel underprepared. You rewrite emails multiple times, agonising over whether “Thanks” or “Many thanks” was more professional.
Every perfect delivery triggers dopamine. Your brain rewards perfectionism, creating an addiction to flawless that’s challenging to sustain.
People-pleasing: Everyone else first
This is the martyrdom trap disguised as loyalty. Everyone else’s needs matter more than your own. “Yes” tumbles out before your brain processes the request. You check your phone during your own birthday dinner “just in case someone needs you”.
You detect mood shifts from three time zones away and think it’s something you’ve done. You give advice you’d never follow yourself. You go on a well-earned holiday with your family but feel guilty, so you constantly check in despite telling your team you’re unavailable.
You play so many roles in your life you’ve lost track of who you actually are. When everyone else gets your best, you get what’s left – which is usually nothing.
Proving: I must earn my worth through achievement
People need you. A full diary means I am in demand. Valued. Give a busy person something that needs to get done and they will do it. No task is too big or deadline too tight.
‘Fine’ is your default response even when your world is on fire.
Your worth feels tied to being needed, delivering, never standing still. Your CV reads like you’re applying to run the United Nations. Compliments make you more uncomfortable than root canal surgery.
You’re perpetually auditioning for your own life, seeking praise to sense-check whether it was exceptional or a failure. You believe that, to achieve, you must sacrifice yourself to get there. External validation becomes your drug of choice, but the dose keeps needing to increase.
Performing: I must have it all together all the time
You must appear flawless. You’ve perfected looking boardroom-ready always. Your social media looks like you’re living your best life, even when you’re exhausted and haven’t left the house all weekend.
You’re the go-to person for crises because you can handle everything. “Fine” is your default response even when your world is on fire. You pretend to know the answer because admitting ignorance feels unacceptable. Performing takes massive energy, energy you need for actual leading and living.
Pushing through: Keep going, everything will get better soon
Hard work conquers all. You tell yourself “It’s just a busy period”, or “Things will calm down soon”, or “I just need to push through”. You keep postponing holidays, gym, sleep, healthy eating – your entire wellbeing – indefinitely. Nothing good comes easy, right?
You wear your ability to power through exhaustion like a badge of honour. Your lunch break is mythical. You always show up to the meeting, the crisis, the deadline, even when your body is unwell because you don’t have time to take a sick day. Rest feels like weakness. Slowing down feels like failure.
You’ve been living by rules you never consciously chose. Working harder to feel worthy. Pleasing others to feel safe. Performing perfection to feel accepted. These aren’t character flaws, they’re survival strategies that worked until they didn’t.
Edited extract from The Overachiever’s Reset: A Better Way to Succeed Without Losing Yourself (Wiley $34.95) by Fleur Marks. Fleur is a globally recognised leadership trainer, strategist and speaker who helps high performers master what she learnt the hard way: achieving excellence without sacrificing everything they love.
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