If Elon Musk was lucky enough like many of us to be born in Australia, he would for all but certain have grown up in the back of a Commodore.
Like many of us. Luckily.
A baby blue VL Commodore. Australia’s favourite car.
Wet dog smell embedded into the cloth upholstery, half the beach forever stuck in those plastic grooves in the seats, hand eternally pinched red raw by the seat belt holder, the roof turned nicotine yellow by dad’s Winnie Blues, the windas rolled down at varying heights for airconditioning.
And if you were really, really lucky, the soundtrack to it all, a grumpy, grumbling, mumbling menace of a glorious V8 engine under the sunburnt bonnet.
Can’t you just see little Elon sitting in the back there, loving life in his Roosters jersey on the way to a game?
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Yes. The halcyon days.
Like Holden and its iconic Commodore those days are long gone. Dead and buried.
Or so we thought.
Until 2026 came along. And Musk’s Tesla Model Y Performance came along.
I grew up in a the back of a VL Commodore. I have the vocal twang, deep appreciation of VB and lifelong love of Rugby League to prove it. For further examples, please see the TV mini-series Boy Swallows Universe.
I’m also the besotted owner of a Tesla Model Y. And a former owner of an SS VE Commodore. I thought that beast, my sons called it the Black Panther, would last forever.
Until it didn’t. RIP.
I didn’t know what to do when that baby left this mortal coil. Life had lost its meaning. Roads has ceased to become Highways to Heaven and just became a means to get from A to B.
Perhaps that’s what driving a Suburu SUV gets you.
But God has a plan for us all right? And it’s always funny and humbling and revealing when that flat circle returns to itself and your life has symmetry and soul and meaning all over again.
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Elon Musk and the Tesla Model Y made me see that.
So did going from 0-100km/h in 3.5s.
To be honest, I think everyone’s favourite trillionaire is selling himself a bit short there. The car is ever faster than that. Just ask my chiropractor.
Flying through time and space in the Model Y Performace like Dave Bowman in 2001; A Space Odyssey the thought hit me – is just the evolution of the SS V8 in a different guise. A successor.
Just as Josh Addo Carr is to Eric Grothe Sr.
UPPING THE ANTE
Just as Holden used to do with its premium SS models, Telsa ups the ante for the YP (Y Performance – everything has to have an acronym or some such these days – just ask the bloke who called his kid X Æ A-12).
It’s got phat 21 inch wheels, performance brakes, a carbon spoiler, bucket seats and just looks meaner than The Mr Model Citizen Model Y. It will stare back at those OMCG dudes eyeing it off at the lights.
It’s a firmer ride than the base model, the front bucket seats grip you rather than caress you.
Just like the drive itself.
The car never feels like its not in control.
There’s no slip or spin or slide. It’s a heavenly vibe. The sort of performance you can revel in on, you can feel and you can own.
It’s the electrification of the old SS, minus the old leather seats ruined by your Golden Retriever.
It’s the sort of car that can made you giddy for long periods of time, out of lust and because the acceleration is so damn instant. Although it is considerably faster than the base model, the YP seems to keep herself better together when under extreme speed, the whole roller coaster losing your gut kind of feel doesn’t seem so much.
WORD OF WARNING
A word of warning.
My better half lapped up the luxury of the YP’s hand stitched seats but cried Blue Murder when I put my foot down.
The kids they cried for more. So I had to do it when we were on our way to the footy and the Mrs wasn’t around.
An hours long drive around Sydney’s motorways also revealed what an absolutely faultless machine the Model Y Performance is. And in terms of what it can do, there’s probably only one per cent of cars out there that can match it.
The YP is around $20,000 more than the Model Y All Wheel Drive, and what you get with all that Performance is definitely bang for your buck.
Either way you look at it, the Tesla Model Y Performance is the new V8 for Aussie parents.
