I work for a company where people tend to wear expensive clothes. As I think it’s ridiculous to be paying $200 for a blouse or a skirt like they do, I wear more affordable – but not fast fashion – clothing.
The problem is that a trusted colleague has told me that I have become the butt of office jokes. I now feel ashamed, exposed and humiliated to the point where I want to work from home full-time. How do I deal with this situation?
This sounds like a clique of colleagues repeatedly descending to juvenile depths and mocking you for something that is both highly subjective and, in the scheme of things, inconsequential. At the centre of this behaviour is an effort to maintain a hierarchy.
Those who’ve made you an office joke want to reinforce their self-perceived “superior” position. And they’re using clothes as a signifier of status. Of course, their “ladder” doesn’t function as intended without people at the bottom – and they’ve cruelly decided one of those people is you.
What can you do? I spoke with Dr Zoe Krupka, a psychotherapist and senior lecturer at The Cairnmillar Institute and host of their podcast, How’s That Working for You? I asked her about your case in general and the practical options available to you.
“A workplace culture that has an extensive dress code is likely a culture that values consumption and a particular type of presentation,” Krupka explained. But she was not necessarily talking about a formal, CEO-approved standard.
If, after having these discussions, you decide that this is not your problem to ‘fix’, I think looking for a new job is a sensible option.
The leadership of an organisation may profess a certain set of values and set these down in writing (most of us have been part of an organisation that talks about “Openness” or “Boldness” or “Authenticity”).
These may be created in good faith but are often nonsense; and the attempt to codify them is generally futile. The true values of an organisation are evident in the behaviour and unspoken standards of the people who work there. The “dress code” Krupka is talking about is brought about in precisely the same way – in fact, it’s informed by these unspoken values.
“My question to the reader,” Krupka continued, “would be, ‘is this a culture that, long-term, you want to be involved in?’ This may be a workplace with values not aligned to your own.”
In this sense, the nastiness about clothes may be just a stand-in for a whole host of other judgments. If this is true, the hierarchy is not just about taste or wealth or appearance, but about your position in the team more broadly.
And this brings us to another important point raised by Krupka. Why did your trusted colleague choose to tell you at this time? Was it simply that they felt duty-bound – that they thought the blissfulness of your ignorance was no longer a valid reason to stay quiet?
Or was it something else – a larger warning? A way of telling you that you’re not just being scorned but actively ostracised?
Whether this is the case or not, Krupka said discussing this with your friend may help you uncover important information. After that, you should get in touch with a professional who has a good understanding of your workplace – a psychologist within an Employee Assistance Programme would be ideal.
“I do think it’s critical for the reader to speak with someone about it. To be able to pick apart what they’re bringing to the table, how it’s affecting them from day to day and also what they’re willing to do to address it.”
If, after having these discussions, you decide that this is not your problem to “fix”, I think looking for a new job is a sensible option.
For a long time, I’ve tried to avoid suggesting resignation in Work Therapy. As I’ve said many times before – leaving an organisation and finding a better job elsewhere is easy to advise and often extremely difficult to actually do.
But this is a time when I think quitting is genuinely worth considering. If the bullying is so bad, you don’t even feel like coming to work, your mental health is at stake.
Jonathan Rivett is a writer based in Melbourne. He’s written about workplace culture and careers for more than a decade.